viernes, 19 de junio de 2009
Sometimes, I just feel sad. I'm less than nothing, and I have nowhere to go. It's awful when you are so alone in this ungrateful world. But even I'm alone, I don't want my kids to be alone, to grow without their mom, so I need to keep trying, but I'm afraid that without help, I won't be able to win a battle. I don't want to be alone anymore, but it seems that a very lonely life awaits me, and I just want to be strong enough to handle that. I must be a terrible person, and I think I am, that's why I'm alone. I'm so sorry for my mistakes, but feeling that way won't fix anything in my life, so I don't know what to do anymore to stop things from being worse. I just need to shut up and go with the flow. I just hope not to hurt anyone anymore. I need someone to save my soul, so please, come and save me. I need to shut my feelings down, as my husband does, but for some reason, I can't, and I can't stop thinking on my babies. I need some sort of miracle, and hope. And I just wish to be loved again, someday, but my wishes hardly ever come true, so at least hope for him not to hate my guts. I try to be mature, but mature and sentimental don't get along. And probably I shouldn't be writing this, but the thing is that I have no one to talk to, so I need to get this out of my system, 'cause it's crushing me from the inside. Maybe I'm a drama queen, and I don't want people to pity me, but is just the way I feel. My heart physically hurts, and I think that's due to all the stress I'm going through, and I know that this will be just temporary (the chest pain, at least). The last thing to say today is, please Jesus, just come and save my life, if a lot of people say that you can do it, come and do it, 'cause I don't know what to do with my life. Guide me through this valley of shadow and I will follow.